December's Window

December is coming down heavily upon me, and it's hard to keep up with everyone's varying energies while I deal with my own anxiety about the end of this long break. It crossed my mind recently that I often try to meet someone else's energy rather than wait for the other person to level with me. Maybe this is not something I want to bring to my new working life - it gets exhausting, and I believe, not a little oppressive to others. Or perhaps I sense tension even when there is none and try to talk it away with inane facts, about people that I've mentioned too much already. 

It was so good to see Gloria again, though I often wonder whether we truly find each other the same as the last time we left off, or whether we subconsciously give each other space to grow - space that we both fill. She now has a stronger and more stubborn American accent. I did slowly chip away at it over the five days that we were together, but five days were not enough, both to get her Singaporean accent back, and to see the whole of Chicago and truly feel its spirit. Perhaps I've become a slower sightseer, having gotten used to relocating first, and then seeing the sights.

Gloria, post-haircut and a little too red

In a few hours, off to Penang via Kuala Lumpur. I am glad that we're doing the Malaysia trip again this year - an annual notable obstruction to many pre-christmas reunions. This is truly something that has never changed all these years, even as the individual elements change in our family. The places we go are the same, the food we eat, and even the music we listen to, and secretly, I think if something was different, we would all feel rather uneasy.That we can still sit on a hotel bed, the three of us, and play monopoly deal or citadels, I think is something quite remarkable, although I don't know how long this can last - I'm not even sure if I can join their trip next year.

I'm both excited and nervous about the Indonesia trip - it's been such a long time coming that at the same time I am unsure of what to expect but also wish for the world. Has this been the first time I've spent new year's overseas since the first Christmas break at uni? It never is really much of a big deal, but days like this often make me think about the years past. Though I guess, it's rather in keeping with the theme of emotionally-significant trips this year.